Updated: Nov 20, 2019
This space that I’m in is soooo crazy! Everyday I wake up, journal and write down the things I wanna accomplish.. It still amazes me that nothing on my list is something I have to do for someone else.
Honestly it’s scary af! I have nightmares of getting up to go to a job I hate. I think of the thousand ways i’m gonna fail… but then there’s the other dreams of me waking up to my kids and taking them to school in the morning. Making hubby breakfast and coffee…. Opening a store with my name on it.
For me it’s not about money, for me it’s about buying back the time I lost. The time my family lost. My mom, dad, and brother made so many sacrifices that a lot of our families made.., but for some reason the more I try to do something for myself the more I realize exactly how much of those sacrifices I took for granted.
My mind, my soul, my ambition only stands in the light because of the shoulders I stand on. I just wanna make it count… soooo bad! I want my shoulders to be big enough for someone to stand on one day.
But theres one thing in my way….
Its sooo big… so massive …(hell I don’t even want to speak it). It haunts me despite all the goodness in my world, all the aspirations my head, my heart desires. It’s called procrastination. It’s like a small voice in my head every single day telling how much I don’t have to do, how I deserve chill time, how nobody really cares…. It’s scary af! Especially on the days when I actually can’t tell if I’m killing myself. And I know I’m not the only one. I hear so many people complaining about their situations or saying what they want or are willing to do, but I hardly ever see them moving. Or I see people making moves but not really consistenly. WHy is that? It’s either people with talent not perfecting their craft, others putting on for the gram but really aint on shit, or people say they’re “Living they best life” not living at all; not doing the things they always dreamed of.
Like if I’m honest I’m not living my best life. One, I gave up traveling (and if you know me this is a big one) I went from 1 a month to 5 this year (Ironically I have 4 left). Two, I completely turned off the TV (if it aint about me studying the craft, it aint for me), and three, I drastically cut out hanging out with people I love. SO yeah, I’m not living my best life when because my life is worth so much more than what you have. And I’m just getting started with doing the things I want.
And don’t come here with the typical “love what you have.” Because I do, my family, my circumstances, where I came from is the very reason why I choose to sacrifice today for tomorrow. I lost everything that really meant nothing at all so yeah, I’m willing to give up what yall call your best lives to get a lil more.
But talk is cheap… you can make all the sacrifices in the world, but If you aren’t executing you really aint doing shit. So I’mma add to more things to my list:
4) Set up weekly meetings with people who can help me though the procrastination (Serina- thanks boo for holding me down this summer)
5) I wrote a page long graphic story of my future life. I’m gonna read that everyday… until I live and breathe it.
SO what do you do to beat procrastination? What are you gonna give up to truly have the opportunity to LIVE your BEST life?
Music by: Chris Coral titled “Brother” Instrumental version