Updated: Nov 20, 2019
My life was left like a ghost town after the whirlwind of expectations ravaged my soul. I was left, standing there. Everything that belonged to me was no longer within my reach. I lost my home, my peace, some family, and some ugly ass girls I called friends. When my job no longer served the purpose of unifying my soul to my place on Earth... THAT was the wand that made everything I thought I had, disappear. It was my last mask, the last one covering that shielded me from what I truly feel. But instead of exposing truth, the removal of this mask somehow translated to others not understanding me. My soul was left naked. Too much for others to comprehend.
I was no longer who they thought I should be. And in this world, when you don’t live up to the expectations of others you’re, what one person told me, “spinning out of control”.
“Spinning out of control”. At first it was jarring. Not the fact that she said it to me (cuz u know, black girls can’t go around being hurt…it f****in sucks being a Pisces by the way), but it was the reality of it. She wasn’t wrong about how “controlled” we are. Some of us are literally walking zombies. And with that, she should’ve just told me to be on her apocalypse team… but the conflict actually reveals, she’s one of THEM.
EYE am not scared to fight doubt… but if my gun isn’t loaded, I have fears of winning. Weird af right?
So in this Kimistry Lab ExSPIRITment I’m going to release what’s on my mind because honestly, I can’t fucking see straight through these blurred lenses. There’s people out there like me who know this world isn’t exactly shaped for us to fit. So in order to exist, we create our own world…Real versus Imaginative… Mundane vs. Supernatural. I’m going to test the spectrum on which I can exist.
There may be moments of being sooo scared that I retreat and lay in bed for days. And there may be moments where I pull out my unfiltered gun and muster the courage to finally shoot the shit out of those zombies who deny my freedom. Whatever the mess, I ask you to come experience this journey with me. 💕